Self-Sabotage

LET ME BLOW YOUR MIND: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SELF SABOTAGE

My brilliant friend and mentor, Cassie Crow, was the first person to help me understand that there is no such thing as self-sabotage.

This fact is one of the MOST important for me and my growth journey.

It is the foundation I come back to when I need to pull out of a self-loathing judgement-filled tail spin. It is the exact insight I need to bring me back to curiosity — which is far more productive.

For example, why have I been starting posts every day and not finishing/posting them? It’s not self-sabotage.

It is protection. It’s scary and vulnerable to be seen.

To be metaphorically naked, flaws on display, for people to choose or reject.

And, as I learned for the umpteenth time in Greece: when I share myself honestly and boldly, others benefit and so do I.

It is not for me to know why or how or when. It is for me to share.

So, self, I see you. I see you ping-ponging between courageously wanting to share boldly, following the creative inspiration gifted to you, then letting self-protective fear distract you away before the content reaches daylight.

Let’s amp up the courage.

When I sat with myself and this fear this morning, I discovered that I hadn’t quite seen the whole picture yet. I am not actually afraid to be seen. I am not afraid to be rejected. I share my flaws and failures all the time.

I am afraid I will be seen and accepted.

My unconscious mind is afraid I will be seen and loved, chosen, celebrated for exactly who I am. That I’ll have to release the story I use to keep me small - that I am “alone and misunderstood and have to do it by myself.”

I am afraid people will see my success and—rather than scoff because they don’t think I don’t deserve it, they’ll celebrate it with me.

I am afraid they’ll see how smart, driven, caring, supportive, uplifting, and impactful I am and—rather than be jealous that I got the gifts I got and that had the perfect pieces of adversity to help me develop the skills I need to leverage my gifts, they’ll be inspired to tap into their own.

I am afraid that when I allow my light to shine at its greatest capacity, rather than feeling small, others will feel seen and supported and empowered.

Because if all these things come true, I have been suffering in self-inflicted hiding and isolation for more than two decades. That’s pretty devastating. And it’s my familiar thermostat setting.

But… I love change. Growth is my #2 core value and I am agitated without it.

I stayed in my curiosity longer. I asked my highest self/my intuition what I couldn’t yet see.

Revelation: The depth to which I can serve and support others is capping out in my current phase of growth. The next big leap of my impact requires me to start letting more love in. To receive. To be accepted. To own who I have become.

My highest self is begging to be seen. In her flaws, in her beauty, in her greatness! To be an example of what is possible in the world. To catalyze and inspire openness and curiosity in others. To use her light to disempower judgement and amplify compassion and acceptance.

My highest self is bursting at the seams to take up more space in the world.

Today, she shall.

Choose to see “self-sabotage” as the survival mechanism it is. Get curious what it’s really protecting you from.

Choose to explore until you find the insight that opens your heart, gives you butterflies, and compels you forward through any hesitation!

It’s fun out here! 🤩🥰🥳

🌿To your journey and mine… let’s dig beyond self-sabotage!