Finding love

I AM DATING. IT IS HARD.

As a 36 year old single, childless woman in the Midwest, I regularly get the question “What’s wrong with you that you’re not married?”

Yes, for real. Yes, in 2024. Yes, they really mean it. Yes, by strangers who know nothing about me and by family friends who have known me for decades.

My sister-in-law’s mother once asked me “Do you know what you’re doing wrong that no one has picked you yet?”

Well, ma’am, for one, I am not waiting to be picked. I am also picking.

Here are some things I hear from non-single people around me—or from men I go on dates with—and my perspective on them.

Their claim: “Your standards are too high.”

My truth: I have high standards, and I should.

I have worked hard to develop above-average self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and personal responsibility; and I have intentionally surrounded myself with people who hold me accountable to living up to my own standards. I am well-rounded with lots of interests, experiences, and ideas to talk about. I own a successful six-figure business that impacts thousands of people a year and I am just getting started. I am supportive, caring, and intentional. I have practiced and strengthened my communication skills and am committed to getting even better at them.

In sum, I bring a lot to the table. It is entirely fair for me to expect the same (or something similar) from a man.

Their claim: “What you’re looking for in unrealistic.”

My truth: If the desire is on my heart, it is possible.

I believe this to be true about the Universe (or God, or Source, or Love, or whatever you call the essence-greater-than-us-humans). If it’s a clean desire and it’s not fleeting, it is both possible and available.

Also, I am surrounded by and in non-romantic relationships with the exact kind of men that I want to date. They are my coaches, my peer advisors, my fellow heart-centered entrepreneurs, and community leaders. Sure, I am friends with many more of them in California than in Indiana, but I have ample proof they exist!

Their claim: “You need to tone it down, you scare men away.”

My truth: The man I am meant to love will be drawn to my power, not scared of it.

Just this month, I have heard all of these: You’re too loud. You have too much enthusiasm. You dress too business-y. You’re crazy. Girl, you need to bring it down a notch. Yes, you can have an opinion, but no one wants to hear it.

I have also heard: I can hear your laugh echo down the hallway and it’s contagious—it warms my heart before I realize what’s happening. Your energy changes the whole room when you walk in. You help me see myself differently and feel more excited about life. I can feel how much you care, even through text.

Yes, I happen to be a person whose gifts, developed skills, and passions combine to make me powerful in this world. I take up space and I proactively fill said space with love. I hurt people and make mistakes, of course. But overall, I make the world a better place when I live in my power.

What my brilliant peer advisors have taught me, is that strong men are not afraid of powerful women. Powerful women see your potential and expect you to live into it. Powerful women want the best of you and are not afraid to ask for it. Powerful women can do it without you but want to do it with you. Powerful women may be a little intimidating, because they ignite your own greatness and challenge you to live in that greatness more consistently. Strong men accept that invitation.

So if being my full, powerful self scares men away, they aren’t the men I’m looking for.

Their claim: “Men need to be needed. Just pretend you need them.”

My truth: Insecure men need to be needed. Mature men want to be wanted.

I’ve been independent since I was born. Just ask my mom. :)

I have taken care of and provided for myself my whole life. Because I have decades of proof that I can rely on myself, I have the OPTION to choose who to depend on. (An option many previous generations didn’t have.) Need is not muddling my decisions.

I don’t NEED anything from a partner. There are 100 things I want, though. That feels much healthier to me.

I LOVE YOUR INTENTIONS. I REJECT YOUR BELIEFS.

I appreciate that so many people care about me and want me to be happy. I also appreciate that critical thinking allows me to dismiss their well-intended-but-limiting-beliefs and stay open to what is truly possible.

Choose to challenge ideas that don’t fit.

Choose to believe what serves YOU!

🌿To your journey and mine… let’s stay big and attract what fits!