Spawn of Satan 😈

MY RELATIONSHIP TO ANGER MUST CHANGE

Anger was not safe in my home.

It was there, for sure. But we didn’t embrace it, discuss it, process it. We did everything we could to get out of it, because it had unpleasant consequences.

Unsurprisingly, I had a lot of it inside of me. Especially as a teenager.

Apparently I presented like “the spawn of satan” when it boiled over and came out. 😈👿

Long story short, my unconscious system learned that it’s not safe to express anger. I would be scolded, corrected, rejected, or hurt.

Thus, my system learned to withdraw when anger arose, rather than lean in, explore, express, process, or otherwise leverage for good.

Withdrawing means I hold my anger in.

Withdrawing means I exit the situation, whether I was the problem or not.

Withdrawing means I undermine my own power to address injustices.

Withdrawing once protected me. Now, it disempowers me.

But, I get to transform.

🫣➡️🙋‍♀️

UNLEARNING & RE-LEARNING

Anger itself is a really helpful emotion! It is an indicator that something deeper is wrong. A value or boundary is violated, a betrayal occured, a rejection, an injustice, a wound reopened, etc. etc…

When we are present to it, and self-aware enough to recognize and explore it, we can harness anger to produce intentional impact.

Anger can help us speak up when it’s scary. It can help move us into action when we’ve been stagnant. It can empower us to protect ourselves or others. It has many valuable uses.

I am committed to starting to get to know my anger. When I feel anger, then notice the desire to withdraw, I will acknoweldge my system’s attempt to protect me and guide myself back to the anger. Question it, explore what’s beneath it.

Soon, I’ll start practicing expressing it. See how long I can speak it out loud before I pull back. See how long I can tolerate the discomfort of holding other people accountable for their actions or words. See how long I can tolerate the discomfort of disagreement with clean intentions.

It’ll be a ride, but I’m here for it.

I choose to allow my anger in.

I choose to learn from and harness it for good!

🌿To your journey and mine… let’s transform our relationships to the feelings we don’t yet allow!