I Choose Imperfect
WAITING FOR PERFECT WAS A WAY TO HIDE
First let me disclaim: I am exceptional at hiding. I am currently unlearning this norm in my life and actively working to normalize being seen instead. As I do, I’m giving attention to my often-sneaky tactics for hiding.
Today I’m celebrating that I choose not to hide on my trip.
There have been three key experiences so far:
My friend Emma helped me pack, and I trusted her perspective over my own. Emma is amazing at making women feel great about their bodies in clothes. Her review of my staged bag (and 22 years of friendship/insight 👀) led to her completely overhauling both my travel wardrobe and my mindset about how I would dress for the experiences I wanted. Prior to Emma’s support, I would have worn only clothes that helped me hide, disappear into the background, and be as miss-able as possible. Instead, I got to feel bright, beautiful, comfortable, confident, and I got to take up space and be noticed.
I almost missed out on jumping off the boat. I love water. And love is an understatement here. There is no happier place for me on Earth than in the sea. But I almost missed out on jumping off the second story of the boat, and on kayaking and paddleboarding. All because I was afraid I’d be judged and rejected for being “fat.” I decided that on this once-in-a-lifetime trip, I would not be able to forgive myself for missing out on the fun. Thus, I did it anyway. I took my insecurities with me right up to that glorious platform and jumped with a dozen people watching. And it was FUN! So I did it again and again. And I let myself fall 9 times before I successfully stayed on the paddleboard for a half hour. And I’m uber glad I did. Did people judge me? Probably. Are there some really unflattering pictures out there? Yep. Was the fun and enjoyment and memory-making worth it? ABSOLUTELY. That’s the piece I get to keep for the rest of my life.
I shared unflattering pictures. On average over the last 15 years, about 5-10 of the photos in my possession each year are actually of me. That’s less than one per month - and we carry cameras in our pockets every day. There are so many things I’ve done that I can’t document or share because I didn’t like the way I look. So, this trip, I channeled my beautiful friend Marcella, and took pictures everywhere I went. I let myself be captured in all my imperfections. Double chins, flabby arms, looking bald, weird clothes bumps… it’s all there. But I cried tears of gratitude and joy on the plane ride home because right along with all those imperfections are the JOY, LAUGHTER, AWE, EXCITEMENT, LOVE, COURAGE, CONFIDENCE, and memories that I can now reconnect to instantly.
The fascinating thing is, each of these decisions enriched my experience 10-fold. I got compliments on my clothes and my “energy of Greece”. I inspired others to try things outside their comfort zone. I got more engagement on the spontaneous photos that I found “unflattering” than anything else.
I laughed more, felt more, connected more, and did more. All because I decided that doing it with 16 extra pounds and less-than-good form was better than wallowing and missing out.
I even got attention from men I perceived to be “out of my league". 🪄
So I share a photo here with a bright red face from climbing a mountain in sandy wind and direct sun, with hair whipping wildly because it’s not flattering but it does capture something more important. It captures the accomplishment of having climbed a steep trail through ancient ruins, the wonder of imagining the people and lives who once occupied these spaces in such different circumstances, and the indescribable beauty of the views we found.
I choose imperfection and all the magic and freedom it brings.
🌿To your journey and mine… let’s be imperfect and live fully anyway!